tough days

Today is a tough day.

My body aches, my head feels dull, and  I am more than tired…..

I am exhausted even though I spent a wonderful weekend away with my husband as we celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. I celebrated by “throwing caution to the wind” and eating whatever I wanted… pastries from the Door County Bakery, ribs, and a decadent dessert. Yep…. I ate gluten. Lots of it….

No wonder my body hurts.

It doesn’t help that emotionally I am beating myself up. My inner dialogue is cruel and unforgiving. “What difference does any of this (wellness) make anyway?  I am doomed no matter what I do. I feel sorry for myself… I wallow … and tears rise up from the core of my being. The emotional pain is worse than the physical pain.

My attempts at are not successful this morning. I need to stay right here… in the hurt, anger, frustration, and fear. Today… or just for the next hour or two…. my life sucks. I am tired of trying. I hate food restrictions. I want my life to be different.

I want to be able to walk without a limp or the use of a cane or walker.  I want to stride with ease, even run a bit. I want to dance without holding on to someone. I want my brain to work the way it used to. I am tired of reading the same paragraph five times to grasp its full meaning. I want to remember people’s names. I want… I want.. I want….

Today, I want my life to be different and I imagine that perhaps others are feeling the same way, too.  There is comfort in knowing that I am not alone.

In this moment, I need to be able to express my feelings. The sobbing has stopped and there is a new lightness. I must admit that I am feeling better just having done so.

Oh my goodness….. I  just gave myself self-compassion.

Kristen Neff  teaches self-compassion and mindfulness.  I was first introduced to her work several years ago and then re-introduced recently via the six month Course in Mindful Living that I am taking.

“Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?”

Her three step process goes something like this:

  1. Acknowledge that this is a difficult moment.  (This is a tough day)
  2. In life, there are difficult moments, I am not alone. (I am not the only one who has a tough day or who wants their life to be different).
  3. What do I need? (I need to share my heartache, frustration, fear…. etc.).

I feel better…. and if no one ever reads this, I am fine with that. There may be more moments of regret as I go about my day… it is after all a tough day and I am fine with that, too. It is comforting to know that self-compassion works and that as always…. this too shall pass.

May YOUR “” be met with self-compassion. Namaste’

Image: Copyright: highwaystarz / 123RF Stock Photo

About Peggy Nelson

Peggy is a retired occupational therapist, adapted yoga instructor, and meditation teacher.

5 Comments

  1. Linda Mohar

    Your comments resonate with me….been there, done that WAY too many times! I once thought that by this age I’d have my shit together but it hasn’t happened yet. That said, I have changed and am moving in the right direction of self compassion. Namaste, Peggy!

  2. Ellen Thompson

    I think one of the worst parts of feeling so down is thinking it’ll always be that way…that is, that you’ll always feel as bad as you do now. You were very brave to write about your feelings. You are not alone, as you say. I’m glad you were able to find self-compassion. I love you.

    Ellen

  3. Carol

    I read your blog! I am here to “be” with you. You always help me to be a stronger person. Thanks for teaching me self-compassion!

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