Today is a tough day.
My body aches, my head feels dull, and I am more than tired…..
I am exhausted even though I spent a wonderful weekend away with my husband as we celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. I celebrated by “throwing caution to the wind” and eating whatever I wanted… pastries from the Door County Bakery, ribs, and a decadent dessert. Yep…. I ate gluten. Lots of it….
No wonder my body hurts.
It doesn’t help that emotionally I am beating myself up. My inner dialogue is cruel and unforgiving. “What difference does any of this (wellness) make anyway? I am doomed no matter what I do. I feel sorry for myself… I wallow … and tears rise up from the core of my being. The emotional pain is worse than the physical pain.
My attempts at self-compassion are not successful this morning. I need to stay right here… in the hurt, anger, frustration, and fear. Today… or just for the next hour or two…. my life sucks. I am tired of trying. I hate food restrictions. I want my life to be different.
I want to be able to walk without a limp or the use of a cane or walker. I want to stride with ease, even run a bit. I want to dance without holding on to someone. I want my brain to work the way it used to. I am tired of reading the same paragraph five times to grasp its full meaning. I want to remember people’s names. I want… I want.. I want….
Today, I want my life to be different and I imagine that perhaps others are feeling the same way, too. There is comfort in knowing that I am not alone.
In this moment, I need to be able to express my feelings. The sobbing has stopped and there is a new lightness. I must admit that I am feeling better just having done so.
Oh my goodness….. I just gave myself self-compassion.
“Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?”
Her three step process goes something like this:
- Acknowledge that this is a difficult moment. (This is a tough day)
- In life, there are difficult moments, I am not alone. (I am not the only one who has a tough day or who wants their life to be different).
- What do I need? (I need to share my heartache, frustration, fear…. etc.).
I feel better…. and if no one ever reads this, I am fine with that. There may be more moments of regret as I go about my day… it is after all a tough day and I am fine with that, too. It is comforting to know that self-compassion works and that as always…. this too shall pass.
May YOUR “tough days” be met with self-compassion. Namaste’
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